Earlier today, I was *finally* able to put to words
what I've been thinking/feeling about our
move this weekend.
(we are relocating about an hour south of there)
Here is a letter to my dearest friends that the Lord
has placed in my life...
Teri, Sara, Frances, Colleen, LM, Janneke, Jaki, Tracy, Paula, Ann:
I just wanted to say thank you girls for your sweet attempt
to put something together before we move
& for your many attempts to help in every way with this move.
I've been quite recluse because I'm trying to sort out what I'm feeling.
Mostly because of not being able to be
spontaneous with you, go to midweek coffee,
meet you at the park, etc.
I won't happen to see you driving on the road,
or run something over to your house if I need to.
We've experienced MANY births, pregnancies,
foster parenting & adoption,
new jobs, job loss, lawsuits, fertility problems,
sustained unemployment, marital ups and downs,
church searching, small group sharing, moving,
parenting woes, parenting joys, womens health issues,
kids health scares, cancer, school performances,
first slumber parties, sports teams, dance classes, school changes,
homeschooling ups and downs, many cups of coffee & tea,
lots of wine, tears of joy, sadness, tears during the movie Bridesmaids,
art classes, preschool classes, so.many.VBS's, pool days, park days,
outdoor movie nights, Da-Dora jokes, dinner parties, inappropriate humor,
appropriate humor, intentional embarrassment, political debate,
surprise parties, birthdays of our kids, birthdays of each other,
tears from laughter, Anthro gift cards, prayer requests, praise reports,
comfort during sorrow, mutual celebrations for joy,
countless prayers for our husbands & children,
a source of great encouragement, refining fire,
Godly wisdom and
remaining each other's constant prayer warriors.
I'm mourning the life we have woven together
and the longevity that would have come
if we remained residents of SGValley.
That being said, this isn't goodbye....
and I wanted to avoid anything that would resemble
a goodbye because that would mean we are closing a door.
I don't live in lala land and know that my moving away
will naturally change our relationship(s).
But - I know that not much does have to change
as OC isn't that far & with a bit more effort
(and a plane ticket to OC...)
we can remain connected.
You ladies have single handedly shaped
who I know myself to be today.
You have seen ME & introduced me to her
- a person I actually like: authentic me.
One thing I fear is myself away from you.
If I will stop seeing me through your eyes...
or if new friends will see me as you do.
I can't thank you enough for allowing me
to grow up in your presence.
I will always see Pasadena as the place
"I became a woman" (ga-ross...hahaha).
OC has always represented my childhood.
I have a fear of going back/reverting back
- and that has been a part of this transition
that has made it so hard on me.
Not only that....but you girls are the first to love my daughter
as her true, authentic self
- with all her nuances, quirks and Katelyn-ness.
She's always beaten to the tune of her own drum
and many many people didn't get her for MANY years.
You do get her, and love her
... And I can't begin to express how deeply I cherish this without crying
...hard(-er than I am now...).
I know your friendship has served yet ANOTHER purpose:
your children have been siblings to my daughter when she (I) needed them most.
Your families are prayed for every night,
memories of time with all your kids are typical conversation topics
in our daily home and the love she has for your kids is so precious
- even more so than if they actually were siblings.
Your kids have taught my girl how to interact with other kids,
by engaging or watching the dynamics of your kiddos.
All this to say...I love you each DEARLY
and am forever grateful for His wisdom
in placing you as main characters in my life story.
The balance of depth with fun that we maintain is truly unique
and I pray will sustain us beyond a few miles separation
or whatever years we have left on earth.
I am giddy with excitement that we have eternity guaranteed together
...and that turns these tears of sadness into joy.
I love you all.