10 December 2013

Come find me ~

Come find me at my new blog!

09 January 2013

Not Good-bye but Until We Meet Again....

Earlier today, I was *finally* able to put to words
what I've been thinking/feeling about our
move this weekend.

Here is a letter to my dearest friends that the Lord
has placed in my life...

My Dears
Teri, Sara, Frances, Colleen, LM, Janneke, Jaki, Tracy, Paula, Ann:

I just wanted to say thank you girls for your sweet attempt 
to put something together before we move 
& for your many attempts to help in every way with this move. 
I've been quite recluse because I'm trying to sort out what I'm feeling. 

I can't shake this equally excited as I am sad feeling to be moving. 
Mostly because of not being able to be 
spontaneous with you, go to midweek coffee, 
meet you at the park, etc. 
I won't happen to see you driving on the road, 
or run something over to your house if I need to.

We've experienced MANY births, pregnancies
foster parenting & adoption,
new jobs, job loss, lawsuits, fertility problems,
sustained unemployment, marital ups and downs,
church searching, small group sharing, moving,
parenting woes, parenting joys, womens health issues,
kids health scares, cancer, school performances, 
first slumber parties, sports teams, dance classes, school changes,
homeschooling ups and downs, many cups of coffee & tea,
lots of wine, tears of joy, sadness, tears during the movie Bridesmaids,
art classes, preschool classes, so.many.VBS's, pool days, park days,
outdoor movie nights, Da-Dora jokes, dinner parties, inappropriate humor,
appropriate humor, intentional embarrassment, political debate,
surprise parties, birthdays of our kids, birthdays of each other,
 tears from laughter, Anthro gift cards, prayer requests, praise reports,
comfort during sorrow, mutual celebrations for joy,
countless prayers for our husbands & children,
a source of great encouragement, refining fire,
Godly wisdom and 
remaining each other's constant prayer warriors.

I'm mourning the life we have woven together 
and the longevity that would have come 
if we remained residents of SGValley. 

That being said, this isn't goodbye....
and I wanted to avoid anything that would resemble 
a goodbye because that would mean we are closing a door. 

I don't live in lala land and know that my moving away 
will naturally change our relationship(s). 
But - I know that not much does have to change 
as OC isn't that far & with a bit more effort 
(and a plane ticket to OC...) 
we can remain connected. 

You ladies have single handedly shaped 
who I know myself to be today. 
You have seen ME & introduced me to her 
- a person I actually like: authentic me. 

One thing I fear is myself away from you. 
If I will stop seeing me through your eyes...
or if new friends will see me as you do. 

I can't thank you enough for allowing me 
to grow up in your presence. 
I will always see Pasadena as the place 
"I became a woman" (ga-ross...hahaha). 

OC has always represented my childhood. 
I have a fear of going back/reverting back 
- and that has been a part of this transition 
that has made it so hard on me. 

Not only that....but you girls are the first to love my daughter 
as her true, authentic self 
- with all her nuances, quirks and Katelyn-ness. 
She's always beaten to the tune of her own drum 
and many many people didn't get her for MANY years. 

You do get her, and love her 
... And I can't begin to express how deeply I cherish this without crying
...hard(-er than I am now...). 

I know your friendship has served yet ANOTHER purpose: 
your children have been siblings to my daughter when she (I) needed them most. 

Your families are prayed for every night, 
memories of time with all your kids are typical conversation topics
 in our daily home and the love she has for your kids is so precious 
- even more so than if they actually were siblings. 
Your kids have taught my girl how to interact with other kids, 
by engaging or watching the dynamics of your kiddos. 

All this to say...I love you each DEARLY 
and am forever grateful for His wisdom 
in placing you as main characters in my life story. 
The balance of depth with fun that we maintain is truly unique 
and I pray will sustain us beyond a few miles separation 
or whatever years we have left on earth. 
I am giddy with excitement that we have eternity guaranteed together
...and that turns these tears of sadness into joy. 

I love you all. 

25 September 2012

a blip of inspiration

This summer has been such a great whirlwind - 
and really won't be over in my mind until October 1.  

We've had fun as a family and celebrating marriages,
it has been filled with memories.

This past weekend I got to *finally* see
my dear sweet friend, Lissa at her house!
She's been to my house a number of times, I was so happy
to see her in her element & hometown.

I also got to squeeze and giggle with a DEAR friend,
Becky.  As a bonus surprise, I got to also hug and
laugh with Kim!  It was such a great weekend
where my heart is full of the love only
derived from girlfriends.  I am so blessed.

This morning, I read a post on Lissa's blog.
It got me thinking about my little piece of the interweb
and what is to become of it.

As previously stated, I started blogging for one
reason and it was quickly revealed to me
that this was the way the Lord would speak to my heart.

He has used what can be an ugly, vile place
for His glory and to get my attention.
I'm not sure where this blog is going, but I've felt
strongly that He isn't quite finished 
with this space yet.

Based on Lissa's post this morning, I was inspired
for the first time in many months to write.

Hi.  I'm Tracy and I'm imperfect.
Welcome to the "I NEED A SAVIOR" support group.  

This group is where we celebrate each other being 
our authentic selves as we strive to love our Creator.  

We will fail.  
We will fall short EVERY.TIME.  
I guarantee we will never come close to perfection.  

Now that you've heard what this group doesn't do - lets talk about what we DO:
Pray for each other.
Ask forgiveness of each other and of the Lord.
Give each other grace -  as we are given on a minute-by-minute basis.
Seek the Word when the world fails us...
...again and again and again.

No works, no rules, no laws will ever make us perfect.
The Bible isn't to constrain us.
It is to SET US FREE.
Free from the bondage of ourselves.
Of our innate propensity to sin.

We are to live in this world and not judge
others or ourselves as being righteous - we are to love others
because we are ALL falling short of the Lord.
every minute of every day of every month year after year after year.

Thank you, Lord for the women you've introduced me to.
Only through this blog is how they came into my world.
Not just these three (imperfect) women I've met this past weekend,
but the many many sisters in Christ that
have blessed me by following me here, commenting precious
and encouraging words;
following me on Instagram and Facebook.

I am humbled to be in their presence, which draws me closer to You.

a cuff like this can be yours, too!  lovingly made by Becky.  Find them here.

26 June 2012


I had a feeling turning 33 was going to
be a great year when the week
of my birthday started in Paris and ended
with a formal ball in the Opera House of Budapest.

Little did I know the year the Lord
had in store for me....
The highest of high's as well as
lowest of the lows - ALL bases were equally covered.
a ball for my birthday...such a happy coincidence!
Summer 2011 was easily the best on the books:
the European vacation, VBS's,
lots of time with friends,
a trip to Napa,
the birth of my first niece.

Then the fall continued on in the same way - 
a trip to Napa (actually, THREE MORE trips to Napa...)
beginning the homeschool journey,
a new division and a great soccer season,
a trip to Austin, 
the birth of my second niece.

Winter 2011 started the same way -
a new Christmas tree,
a fun dinner party,
ringing in the new year with my
Texas-sister and her family,
purchasing Disneyland annual passes,
and it all hit a seismic speed bump
the week of January 20.

February introduced the reality of
cancer to our lives - 
and set us on a trajectory that
we couldn't have possibly foreseen.

However - through all of this - the Lord has been working.
He has brought us through infertility
with a passion our little family shares for each other
that I cherish to my innermost.
It took me 10 years to really understand what
that looked like, felt like.

Once we settled into the new trajectory
that is our life with cancer - and seeing how the Lord
has cradled us in His hands the *entire* way,
we got comfortable and into our routine.

UNTIL June 15.
An opportunity presented itself
to my husband within his company
that was so far off our radar - it only could have come from Him.

It means that we will be moving back to
Orange County - where we both
spent a majority of our childhood as well
as spent the early years of our marriage.

We are equally as excited as we are saddened
at the thought of moving.
Pasadena has been the most wonderful
home and has given us the best
years of our lives.
We love our community dearly
and for that we are deeply saddened.

At the same time, this opportunity
is such an exciting time in our lives
that will open many doors as
well as challenges that the Lord has 
more than prepared us for.

We are anxious as to where this will
take us, and how He will use
this new path in our lives.
We dedicate all of it to Him, and
give Him all of the Glory!

The future posts will consist of
my farewell to this fabulous town that
will forever have the dearest place in my heart.

Thank you for your prayers and for your
support during the many trials
and joys that have been expressed on this
littler piece of the interwebs.

So, goodbye thirty-three....and hello thirty-four.
I'm buckled up, and ready for the ride.

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